Sting and anti-sting operations in cyber age have to be different. Gone are the days of buying a member or two by paying him in suitcases. One can move the amount through electronic fund transfer to on line accounts and get his support.
As the jammers are used as a security measure to make the remote devices defunct, a politician can use modern gadgets to scramble his voice so that none can record it for future use or misuse. He can use a retracting technique- when a person utters a few words, they will be heard only once and they vanish soon leaving no trace in any type of tape or disk. This technique is not altogether new to our politicians, as they have already perfected this art with their electoral promises.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
artists?
Tolerating the pestering of poetasters is a formidable task.
But some times they are also helpful to the society. If a police inspector is one among them, the criminals who are caught would fear more for his recitations at the station than the punishment the court awards. A drop in crime rate would be the outcome. Line crossings, driving without helmets, crossing the speed limit and so on would certainly come down, the recitals would be more effective than the penalties.
There is also a way to escape from them but with a cost. When a master storyteller approaches you with a plagiarized plot or a boring story, lend him not your ear but a hundred rupees or two, and then onwards he would always run away from you. Decide the amount of which your predator is worth. Or pester him in reverse by asking for an insurance policy or a donation to a charity. He would vanish when you are sighted.
Can a drink mixed with an adhesive ‘that can join everything but broken hearts’ make one mum?
Before a phony painter shows you his masterpiece, you ask him whether he has drawn it by spattering on the canvas with pan spit.
But some times they are also helpful to the society. If a police inspector is one among them, the criminals who are caught would fear more for his recitations at the station than the punishment the court awards. A drop in crime rate would be the outcome. Line crossings, driving without helmets, crossing the speed limit and so on would certainly come down, the recitals would be more effective than the penalties.
There is also a way to escape from them but with a cost. When a master storyteller approaches you with a plagiarized plot or a boring story, lend him not your ear but a hundred rupees or two, and then onwards he would always run away from you. Decide the amount of which your predator is worth. Or pester him in reverse by asking for an insurance policy or a donation to a charity. He would vanish when you are sighted.
Can a drink mixed with an adhesive ‘that can join everything but broken hearts’ make one mum?
Before a phony painter shows you his masterpiece, you ask him whether he has drawn it by spattering on the canvas with pan spit.
beware of meddlers
Meddler in the middle of all…
Will it be possible to get rid of them? Indeed it’s a tough task. When the meddler is a member of fair sex it becomes tougher. Fortunately they have not yet spread widely.
Ubiquitous meddlers …dressed in well-starched, spotless white clothes with stiff creases (earlier yellow was their favourite colour) are common sight in all offices, with their cell phones ringing repeatedly, speaking loudly as if to make others know their high contacts. No one knows it certain whether the call is from a VIP or from a ‘gully’ leader from Coin Collecting Public Phone located next street. He will try to make an impression that it is certainly from a person of status not less than a cabinet Minister. Sometimes the name-dropping of the CM or the PM also makes their chatter solemn. Occasionally, anxious to get their things done, they try to bring in a reference to sons, daughters or even sons-in-law of the VIP into the ambit and proclaim that they are very close to them. The only way to get rid of them: tell him that you know the person he is talking about. Further declare that the VIP talked to you a while ago and ask him whether he would like to speak to him on your phone. Surely he would retreat and spread his net elsewhere.
Will it be possible to get rid of them? Indeed it’s a tough task. When the meddler is a member of fair sex it becomes tougher. Fortunately they have not yet spread widely.
Ubiquitous meddlers …dressed in well-starched, spotless white clothes with stiff creases (earlier yellow was their favourite colour) are common sight in all offices, with their cell phones ringing repeatedly, speaking loudly as if to make others know their high contacts. No one knows it certain whether the call is from a VIP or from a ‘gully’ leader from Coin Collecting Public Phone located next street. He will try to make an impression that it is certainly from a person of status not less than a cabinet Minister. Sometimes the name-dropping of the CM or the PM also makes their chatter solemn. Occasionally, anxious to get their things done, they try to bring in a reference to sons, daughters or even sons-in-law of the VIP into the ambit and proclaim that they are very close to them. The only way to get rid of them: tell him that you know the person he is talking about. Further declare that the VIP talked to you a while ago and ask him whether he would like to speak to him on your phone. Surely he would retreat and spread his net elsewhere.
supercops
The workload of the law enforcer has increased tremendously. Beating a lecturer or an advocate occasionally would certainly increase it further. There are already attempts to reduce their burden. The netas are wielding batons and thrashing their rivals and the scribes to pulp or else this job would also have to be done by the police to please their political masters. As a thresher lessened the burden of farmers, a thrashing one might remove the toil of the police. Modernization of the police force should include sanctioning of such machines. The police may also be asked to keep themselves away from the durbars that settle civil disputes. This will reduce their burden a little. Some have already delegated this task to the mafia or the pseudo naxals. A few officers add to the burden by expressing their feeling of insecurity- who else could provide them security, when the threat it self is from their colleagues! Do they need a separate agency to settle the disputes among themselves? The burden seems to be so severe that an officer forgets to hand over the arms confiscated from a criminal. Even the Academies are also offering an excellent training to face the challenges -riots and thefts have found a place in their programme of study. Prospective police officers seemed to have attended practice sessions in the art of thrashing people for selling cigarettes in black market! Perhaps their curriculum includes such events as hands-on experience to the future super cops.
How to get the criminals back?
How to get these criminals back? Can we offer a berth to Dawood in the ministry? Give it some thought. This would certainly make him come back. A new department of extortions may be created. An addition to the tainted team! If it doesn’t induce him, arrange a cricket match- let it be sponsored by the ISI, the drug peddlers or the mafia- he would certainly be there. Or else how about conducting a star night with bollywood sirens? He couldn’t resist the enticement and so ultimately he could be trapped.
A post of advisor to the Reserve Bank of India or a deserving position in the finance ministry would surely bring back Krishi Rao. But enquire whether he is already in a job at the IBRD!!!
After committing the offence the criminal who is crazy of giving interviews to TV channels may be lured to conduct a crime show on TV-live if possible-and be caught.
A post of advisor to the Reserve Bank of India or a deserving position in the finance ministry would surely bring back Krishi Rao. But enquire whether he is already in a job at the IBRD!!!
After committing the offence the criminal who is crazy of giving interviews to TV channels may be lured to conduct a crime show on TV-live if possible-and be caught.
who needs a spy cam?
Who doesn’t need a clandestine mobile phone camera? It can be employed anywhere!
A magistrate, while recording the statement of a person who had been shot at, may find it supportive. Else the victim’s abrupt volte-face may save the lawbreaker.
The election commission may make use of these candid cameras to catch the culprits unaware. It can be a case of booth capturing or distribution of money for ‘sweets’.
A speaker of a house can make use of it to take the glimpses of the acts of unruly members. Further it can also be exploited to expose the dozing members.
An invigilator may carry one in the examination hall to expose the copying by the students and also utilize it if they attempt to manhandle him. It can be a weapon for the students too, against the teachers who behave badly in the class or while away time idly.
A magistrate, while recording the statement of a person who had been shot at, may find it supportive. Else the victim’s abrupt volte-face may save the lawbreaker.
The election commission may make use of these candid cameras to catch the culprits unaware. It can be a case of booth capturing or distribution of money for ‘sweets’.
A speaker of a house can make use of it to take the glimpses of the acts of unruly members. Further it can also be exploited to expose the dozing members.
An invigilator may carry one in the examination hall to expose the copying by the students and also utilize it if they attempt to manhandle him. It can be a weapon for the students too, against the teachers who behave badly in the class or while away time idly.
pesticides in cooldrinks
The government may take over the stock and sell it with a statutory warning- ‘Contains traces of pesticides, can be sipped to quench the thirst or sprayed on the crops to control the pests.’
How about making Devadas yet again! In this version Devadas becomes an addict of soft drinks after he is estranged from Parvathi and eventually dies. Teetotaller Deavdas! This may promote the sales of soft drinks. Further Oscar will certainly be ours this time.
The companies should propagate positive thinking. The public can still drink them emulating the man in Dr.Wayne W.Dyer’s ‘Your Erroneous Zones’ who prefers drinking alcohol to remove worms inside.
How about making Devadas yet again! In this version Devadas becomes an addict of soft drinks after he is estranged from Parvathi and eventually dies. Teetotaller Deavdas! This may promote the sales of soft drinks. Further Oscar will certainly be ours this time.
The companies should propagate positive thinking. The public can still drink them emulating the man in Dr.Wayne W.Dyer’s ‘Your Erroneous Zones’ who prefers drinking alcohol to remove worms inside.
telephonebills
The inflated bills that arrive unexpectedly with baffling particulars would certainly make one jittery. Making it worse, the goons of the service providers. Bills have become bitter pills! The subscriber may have to swallow many other pills to be fit enough to fight err...face them. Or else one has to bite the dust. ‘Duniya mittime’
Lobbying may be done to include free phone also along with the free power promise in the election manifestos of political parties. Certainly it would be a flood of votes then. Sounds like magic! It’s our freedom.
Lobbying may be done to include free phone also along with the free power promise in the election manifestos of political parties. Certainly it would be a flood of votes then. Sounds like magic! It’s our freedom.
Banking without Blarney
You do deposit your hard earned money in any bank that offers you higher rate of interest. But then you have to stop going for a walk along the tank bund. Instead its better you stroll around the bank every evening and if possible walk up to the residences of the directors and see that they haven’t taken flight. It will keep you fit physically and also fiscally. Further if you still have leisure you can enroll your self as a security guard at the bank and earn while safeguarding your money. Lastly incase you are fleeced of your deposits despite all your safety measures, you say govinda and think of Hundi of Lord Venkateswara of seven hills.
elections&anti-incumbency
The poll predictions are full of surprises. From the election results it has become apparent that the prophecy of the psephologists is not sacrosanct. In many cases the reverse of the forecast was the result. The people seem to act against the forecasts. So to beat the incumbency factor, the ruling party should orchestrate a survey and poll forecast against it self! Any way to prove it false the public may vote it back to power. Does it sound dangerous!
Else it can reintroduce the age-old welfare measures with a novel nomenclature…old wine in a new bottle. The people are so considerate that they would never question why those acts were not done earlier. In the case of a severe anti-incumbency situation rename the party too and fight the elections…if possible have an alliance with the opposition itself and call it a friendly contest. If all these do not work out, be prepared to quit the present party and join the ruling one, which would always keep one in power. Unfortunately the boss does not possess this expediency.
Else it can reintroduce the age-old welfare measures with a novel nomenclature…old wine in a new bottle. The people are so considerate that they would never question why those acts were not done earlier. In the case of a severe anti-incumbency situation rename the party too and fight the elections…if possible have an alliance with the opposition itself and call it a friendly contest. If all these do not work out, be prepared to quit the present party and join the ruling one, which would always keep one in power. Unfortunately the boss does not possess this expediency.
borelore
Bearing bores is a Herculean task. It does have a beneficial effect too. If a police inspector is a poet, the criminals who are caught would fear more for his recitations at night in prison than the punishment the court awards.
It is not all that easy to silence the bore bears. Can a drink mixed with the adhesive ‘that can join everything but broken hearts’ make one mum?
Give a paper with objective questions (similar to EAMCET question paper) and ask him to answer only those questions so that he would not miss the point and plunge into bore lore. Make sure that it does not contain errors! Further it is better if he is asked to observe word limit in answering.
There is another way to escape from them but with a cost. Lend him an affordable amount. Then onwards he would always run away from you. Decide the amount of which your predator is worth.
To get rid of a politician bore is effortless, just remind him of his electoral promises.
Sometimes it is an established practice to ask such people to preside the meeting to contain their vivacity. But some clever bores do overcome it and continue their onslaught during the gap between two presenters.
It is not all that easy to silence the bore bears. Can a drink mixed with the adhesive ‘that can join everything but broken hearts’ make one mum?
Give a paper with objective questions (similar to EAMCET question paper) and ask him to answer only those questions so that he would not miss the point and plunge into bore lore. Make sure that it does not contain errors! Further it is better if he is asked to observe word limit in answering.
There is another way to escape from them but with a cost. Lend him an affordable amount. Then onwards he would always run away from you. Decide the amount of which your predator is worth.
To get rid of a politician bore is effortless, just remind him of his electoral promises.
Sometimes it is an established practice to ask such people to preside the meeting to contain their vivacity. But some clever bores do overcome it and continue their onslaught during the gap between two presenters.
birdflu
Bird Flu...is it more dangerous than fever…i.e. Election fever? Isn’t the foul language used by the politicians more damaging than the fowl disease? If at all there is any vaccine or medication it needs to be tried to stop the foul mouths first. Who is to be blamed? Both parties point their finger at the other. Seems to be a chicken-and-egg problem.
Why should we now be scared of bird flu? The market price of onions- an indispensable ingredient of a chicken dish- has already made us chicken hearted. Further the soft drinks and the mineral water might have by now made us resilient. When the fodder meant for quadrupeds can be swallowed without any harm, is it so unsafe to consume birds with flu? To say Adieu to mouth watering chicken kababs and curries… is an impossible task! Let’s go on with the bouts of biryani and fight the flu. Else all the chicks may have to be culled and the nursery rhyme ‘ Old man Donald…’ too may have to be modified.
Why should we now be scared of bird flu? The market price of onions- an indispensable ingredient of a chicken dish- has already made us chicken hearted. Further the soft drinks and the mineral water might have by now made us resilient. When the fodder meant for quadrupeds can be swallowed without any harm, is it so unsafe to consume birds with flu? To say Adieu to mouth watering chicken kababs and curries… is an impossible task! Let’s go on with the bouts of biryani and fight the flu. Else all the chicks may have to be culled and the nursery rhyme ‘ Old man Donald…’ too may have to be modified.
birdflu
Why should we now be scared of bird flu? The market price of onions- an indispensable ingredient of a chicken dish- has already made us chicken hearted. Further the soft drinks and the mineral water might have by now made us resilient. When the fodder meant for quadrupeds can be swallowed without any harm, is it so unsafe to consume birds with flu? To say Adieu to mouth watering chicken kababs and curries… is an impossible task! Let’s go on with the bouts of biryani and fight the flu. Else all the chicks may have to be culled and the nursery rhyme ‘ Old man Donald…’ too may have to be modified.
comedy in telugu movies
Comedy in Telugu movies- it won’t make you burst in to laughter. What they show are but a few old jokes straight away lifted from a joke book and a comedian accompanying the hero would serve the purpose in such cases. In some other ‘hilarious comedies’ humour is found in scenes such as woman beating her husband, a man having extra marital adventures, and a comedian lecturer teaching naughty students. Campus humour in films has become so monotonous that we have to tickle ourselves to make ourselves laugh. They always make a buffoon of a teacher. In case of a woman teacher, its more atrocious, she would be portrayed as a seductress and the movie doesn’t need a vamp any more. Is there a showman who can redo the good old situational comedies (of Bapu and Ramana) to quench the thirst of humour lovers?
first show
Can we call it life…if we can’t see the movie the very first day and the very first show? So tempting it is! But sometimes it may also mean the end of our life. Is there a way out? Float an association or a fan club of a star, add sobriquets- ‘the President, the Secretary and so on of All India Association of X star’-to ourselves, have a letterhead printed and make a request for the movie tickets in writing. The manager of the theatre is forced to provide us a few tickets. Sell some of them in the black market and get back our initial investment. Further if our star enters the politics (it’ll so happen when he turns sixty) we are assured of tickets not only for a movie but also for the Assembly. Serve a star now to serve the people in future.
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